Chaotic
by TTokll
Summary: Sawada Tsunayoshi, often known as Dame, no good useless tsuna. Unfortunately there are no guardians around to ward of the bullies this time. In this fic we encounter how Tsuna faces bulling and his hardships as well as his most hated thing. His father. Rated M for self harm, suicidal thoughts and attempt of suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**So for this story I thought what Tsuna's life was like before guardians so there will be no characters like that in this fic other than Yamamoto, Hibari and Kyoko. ❄️ Enjoy.**

 **Warning, there may be self harm this why it is rated M. Attempted and thoughts on suicide will also appear in this story, thank you.**

 **It will also include a somewhat smart Tsuna.**

(Will always be in Tsuna's PoV)

My legs hurt, my head hurts, my arm hurts and...

 _My heart hurts the most_...

Everyday, it's the same routine... I walk to school then get beaten up somewhere at a random time. Then when I get to school, I'm late most of the time, meaning I always get 'bitten to death' by Hibari-San. Later I have my classes and my teachers even pick on me... After classes finish, I normally Bee-line to the bathroom. I only had one thing to do there, it's the same old routine, I take the sharp blades from my scissors an draw and write with it on my arm. Once the blood starts tricking onto the ground I head to the nurses office. To this day I still have scars, actually I never really stopped doing that...

When I get to the nurses office, the nurse wouldn't notice me and ignore me... I didn't really care though... She wasn't the _only_ one.

After school, I walk home by myself, sometimes gaining a few smiles and goodbyes from Kyoko or Yamamoto other than that, nothing. Once I get hope I just think and today, I thought about my life. And on rare occasions, Mum would ask how things are and I would brush it of and say, 'it's ok'.

" is it worth living?"

"Would anyone care?"

"Am I that much of a 'dame-tsuna' "

I whispered, heart beating and chest raising up and down at a irregular pace and pattern.

I saw the rope laying there, soo innocently. I tied it around the ceiling fan and my neck. I stood on the bed, ready to jump off! The rope tightened and my ma walked in, rope around my neck off the bed now hanging in the air.

All I remembered was beeping and a muffled voice and screaming.

 _Strange_

 **Strange indeed**

After a while, I was able to hear the voice, it was gentle and comforting. My body felt warm and my eyes opened, I was greeted by a light and a smell of despair and cleaning products. My vision was still blurry but I managed to sit up. I also managed to hear a small

"HE'S AWAKE!"

My head started to pound and a doctor walked towards me, or I think it was a doctor.

I ask him, " how long have I been here?"

His face crumpled up just for a second and simply replied,

"a week... Besides that, I'm here to talk about your condition and- What happened."

My eyes widened, I had been in a unconscious state for _a week?_ What's more, he wants to know what happened...

 _'Tell him, it's ok'_

What was that? That voice...so- so soothing, so familiar. I decided, I opened my mouth to speak but closed it, unsure.

' _Don't worry. I'm here'_

" what would you like to know doctor?" I asked, hesitant.

"Oh? Oh! Right, I am fully aware what happened from your mother's words, **but** I would like to hear your side, starting from the cause of it."

 _He smiled sadly_

And so, I told him, told him **everything,** from the bullying, the self harm and the things _they_ said to me.

To say the least I broke down... I cried.

I'm not as stupid or dame as they think, do they really think that I didn't or never got the most easiest questions correct? Heck, if I said I didn't know what 1+1 was, they might even believe me!

I heard the door creak open. I was still crying so I didn't bother to look who it was. However, the doctor did.

"Ah! Glad you could make it!"

"It's no problem" said the voice.

The voice was familiar, _way too familiar. Then I remembered, the picture that was always by Mama's bedside_... If I remembered correctly, it was of a stereotypical construction worker with some penguins.

~flash back~

"Mama!"

"Hm? Hai Tsun-kun?"

" who is that?" I asked, pointing to the image besides Nana's bedside

"Ah, that's your Papa!"

I scrunched my eyebrows and said,

"I don't like papa, he left mama alone!" I screeched and ran out the room.

 **(A/N um, this was badly written...Gomen.)**

~end of flash back~

Papa...

"Sawada-San! Glad you could make it, I've written everything you need to know on this piece of paper. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask."

"Arigato! But for now I have to say goodbye, C'mon tsuna."

I looked to the floor and wiped my tears then proceeded to walk to to him, still looking at the grey floor.

I hate this man and that will never change.

Teh end.

 **How was it, I'd gladly make this one-shot into a series. I'm thinking of putting my 'The sound in my soul' series up for adoption or put it on hiatus please tell me what you thought and whether you want this to become a series of not.**

 **- _TTokll_**

 ** _(Space turtle)_**


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks you for the review Guest. Please log in next time, I want to give a proper shoutout to you!

To answer you question, I don't want this story to have the typical plot line but some features you mentioned will be used. Thanks again for your input and also, Tsuna is just before he men Reborn, perhaps 4-5 months before.

Happiness is something I dream of at night but reality is something I face every morning. Stone cold.

"Why?" Heh, he asks.

'Why would you care? You've been absence most my life; I barely know you anymore.' I snickered to myself. Or I wish... I don't have the courage to say such things..

I stayed quiet and looked down.

"...son, I think you deserve to know this before you end up being swallowed by the hate for me even more than you do now..." he sighed and straightened his back before slumping back down again

"This isn't a good place to tell you. Too many people." He spoke softly. And walked me to his car and drove towards the opposite direction of my home.

"...hey...dad..." I almost gagged saying dad but managed to stop myself.

His eyes lit up and widened and immediately responded with a curious yes?

"...is mum dead?"

The car grew silent.

"No... after she saw you hanging by a rope she called 911 but had a heart attack and ...she's in a coma now..." he said, silently sobbing.

"Can I ask one more question?"

He nodded yes but carried on driving with a dark expression on his face.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere to escape this Mayhem. Italy to be exact." He said quite simply.

"WHAT. Wait... what about mum? What's going to happen to her? Are we just going to leave her in Namimori? You can't leave her alone again!" I yelled as loud as I could.

"We are transporting her by plane, I have connections..."

I slumped down on my seat and decided it was time for a little nap. Before I knew it, it was late into the night and I was somehow in a small but comfy room with a single bed; the room had pretty white walls with orange lining.

There was also a few knick-knacks carefully and neatly placed in a secure box with a glass lid to see through.

One of the few items that caught my interest was a Greek mythology book- I placed it on the bed to maybe read later. I continued to rummage through everything but not before placing everything back as neatly as it was before.

Moving on, I went to the bed, I didn't really focus on it at all I just knew it was comfy. I look at the bed, it was very simple. The bed itself was made from a very light sturdy wood that I couldn't tell what it was but the duvet was orange and had a number 27 in the corner singled off with a small boat looking design neatly sewed at the bottom.

I decided I should probably move on and see where I am so I pressed the silver button and it opened the door.

"Ah! Tsuna you're awake. We're on a private plane right now, reserved for Vongola members only. Go back into your room, I'll bring some food to you.

And so I did.

Of course there where many questions I wanted to ask but chose not to.

Why are be on a private plane?

What the Volgola?

Why is it called a Clam of all things?

Why are you so OK with mum being in a Coma?

Why did you bring me here?

What am I going to do once I go to Italy?

All questions that will go unanswered.

I wanted to bleed out so bad for some reason, all the stress and confusion just rushes to my head and the ffrustration certainly did not help.

I grabbed my pocket knife from the pockets of my jacket and flipped the knife open. I pressed it carefully against the skin on my upper arm, hissing at the cold air rushing into my arms while the blood dripped all over my legs. I continued to make several more cuts on my body that would probably leave scars On my arms. I was filled with satisfaction everytime the blood came bursting out I was satisfied for now. I put the knife back after cleaning if up. I cleaned the cuts with some tissue and water then grabbed some bandages that found in the drawers next to the bed.

After realising the was unlocked,

I locked the door with the buttons and relaxed on the bed and took the Greek mythology book and put it on the foot of the bed them resumed to sleep a while longer.

Thanks for you continuous patience, love you guys. I'm out of my slump for now 3 I hope you enjoyed this short chapter as a quick little reminder of Tsuna world.


End file.
